Dear Misanthropic Mechanic:
Is there a way to get my ’95 Monte Carlo to stop on a dime like those racecars in NASCAR? The way those boys just blaze into pit lane and stop right on that white line is darn amazing.
Willy G. from Concord NC
Willy:
NASCAR? Come on, Willy. Should I call you Erwin, Bob, Dale…maybe Jimmy? Just messin’ with ya there Willy-boy. Regular readers of this column know the Misanthropic Mechanic is into Diesel Drags—not left-turn lunacy. But, just because I think southern-fried racing is as exciting to watch as bocce ball doesn’t mean I don’t have the answers for you. Consider this is your lucky day, rube.
Look Bobby, the fact that you’re driving a ’95 Monte Carlo means you’re already halfway to circle-track stardom. Maybe you should just bungee-cord the steering wheel to the rear-view mirror to keep that rig in a perpetual left-hand turn. Just kiddin’ Dick, then you couldn’t make that hard right out of the Krispy Kreme drive through.
Willy, it’s no secret that the key to break-neck braking lies in the quality of the brakes. I assume that old Monte Carlo is equipped with the original factory discs, so you’d be better off using floppy disks from your Commodore 64. What you need to do Billy is look into a set of performance brakes.
Simply mounting a set of performance discs alone can give that rum runner of yours a powerful stopping boost. Most performance rotors are vented, slotted, and/or cross-drilled to keep ‘em cool. Kinda like how folks sip on iced tea and fan themselves to stop the sweating. Aftermarket discs are also easy to install and mount right in place of those sad stockers you’re running now.
To get that Monte Lumina—er—Carlo stopping like the machines your moonshine-heroes are running, you gotta take it a step further. Go for a big brake kit or a performance brake kit. These kits not only include the performance rotors, they come with stronger calipers, pads and hardware. Depending on your vehicle, you can get some monster stoppers.
There you have it, Kenny. In order to stop on a dime and get nine cents back, you’re gonna have to spend a few bucks. Go find a company that makes performance brakes for your ride and get yourself a set. Then get a twelver of your favorite suds and get to work. A couple of brands you may want to check out are SSBC and Power Stop. Both make powerful brake kits that are sure stop you just like those NASCAR notables. Now stop turning circles Willy, before you get dizzy and spit-up your supper.
By: Mike Kirby Smith